“This may be a dumb question, but…” That preface to a question is something FAIRHOPE Hospice’s staff hears frequently from family members of those on service. They might be asking about the illness, if there is more they can do to care for their loved one, or if they are “allowed” to do something in particular.
There are no dumb questions for us. We understand the family is under strain and sometimes aren’t thinking as clearly as normal. Depending upon the question we give an honest answer or reply with a, “We’ll see what we can do.”
Since our care of the person and their family deals with all facets of life, the questions asked might not necessarily be of a medical nature. Often the questions deal with last wishes. Surprisingly, questions regarding last wishes, or Bucket List type questions, most often deal with one-last-time desires. Many people on hospice service want to do something one last time. My experience has been not many people want to “See Rock City” at the end of life.
Recently, Tammy, one of our nurses, completed arrangements to transport a man on service from his home to The Pickering House. The man was born and lived most of his life in rural Perry County. He and his son loved to fish together and as the years went by, his grandson joined them. After retirement he and his wife moved to Florida.
When the man became seriously ill, he and his wife moved back to their beloved Perry County to be cared for by his son and daughter-in-law. Their plan was to stabilize his health so that they again could go fishing; at least once more. Regretfully, things didn’t work out as planned and he was admitted to FAIRHOPE Hospice.
He was bedridden when we admitted him and remained so. His wife and grown children cared for him at home. In time it became necessary that he was brought to The Pickering House, our in-patient facility. His health was deteriorating and additional nursing care could be administered there.
Arrangements were made and the next morning the transport ambulance arrived and preparations were completed. As the man was placed in the back of the ambulance, his wife joined him. She had the empty feeling that this was their last ride together. His son and teenaged grandson were to follow in their car. Our nurse Tammy, who was the man’s nurse and assisted the family prepare him for the transfer, was to follow in her car.
But before everyone got in their cars, the son asked them to wait. Hesitantly he asked Tammy, “This may be a dumb question, but…can we stop by the lake? It’s on the way and I’d like to take Dad fishing one more time.”
“Sure.” was the quick reply from Tammy. As a FAIRHOPE Hospice nurse, Tammy instinctively knew the importance of that question. Jubilant, the son exclaimed, “Dad, we’re going fishing!”
Initially, the ambulance driver was stunned by the seeming absurdity of the question. However, remembering the many hours fishing with her dad while she was growing up helped her to understand the importance of the request. This was not going to be just another patient transfer.
After notifying her dispatcher of the change in plans, the impromptu “fishing trip” began. A few miles out of town the entourage turned off US 22 and followed the narrow country road to Rush Creek Lake; the lake where they spent so many lazy days fishing. The slight sound of the gravel crunching and popping under tires broke the silence as the vehicles slowed to a stop in the parking area near the shore. I can’t imagine what was going through each person’s mind as they stared at the lake.
After a brief silence, the son asked, “Dad, do you want to try near the standing trees, or fish off the dock?” Even though his dad was semi comatose he knew his dad could hear. The son was painting a picture, reliving their many hours spent together fishing.
“Would you like to be near the water?” asked the driver.
Ever so carefully, she backed the vehicle toward the small boat dock. A tear blurred her vision as she realized that she was allowed a part in this intensely sacred event. Gingerly, everyone helped move the gurney onto the pier then stepped back. Words were not necessary. I’ve heard it said when a dad gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his dad, both cry. There wasn’t a dry eye.
“This looks like a good spot, Dad.” Since childhood, how many times had he said that to his dad?
“You find a good place to sit down, Grandpa, I’ll get the tackle box.”, said his grandson.
They were creating another day at the lake. The son then cupped his hands to bring up some lake water. As he let the lake water roll over his dad’s hands, he could sense a smile on his face. For his dad, it was obvious that the frustration he experienced in his final months of not being able to go fishing was gone.
To those present, the entire Universe boiled down to just that scene on the dock; Grandpa, son, grandson fishing. Observing this his wife, almost whispering, said, “This will be forever in my heart, I will never forget this.”
What started as a simple transfer from home to The Pickering House unfolded into an event that made a lifelong, life changing impression on all of those involved. Tammy, the FAIRHOPE nurse, did not hesitate when the son asked if he could take his dad fishing one more time. She knew that fishing doesn’t just mean fish. She sensed that fishing must’ve been an important part of this father/son relationship. It was just that simple.
The patient was non-communicative, but that didn’t matter because men communicate through an activity more than they communicate by talking. This last fishing trip was a way for father and son to reminisce about their life together and to say a final good bye. The man’s son and grandson talked to him as if they were all fishing, but in reality they were communicating a life time of love and memories. Boys inherently follow their dad’s example, not their advice. And what a profound example this was for the grandson.
Although losing a husband, a Dad, a Grandpa is sad, the family had good memories of his last day. FAIRHOPE allows families to do what they feel is necessary to complete their life, and will try to assist if needed. Hospice doesn’t change what is going to happen but it changes how it is going to happen.
It is never too late to take your dad fishing, or to help him enjoy his favorite hobby.
