This past Tuesday when I first arrived at the Reception Desk of the Pickering House for my 4-8p.m. shift the grown son of someone on service came in and asked if anyone had jumper cables. He was parked in the visitor’s lot and his battery was dead. The temperature at that time was around 10 degrees.
The volunteer who was going off duty said that she did, so the two of them went out to tend to his car. He was from Michigan and worrying about getting back home. He knew that his father, “Ned” was end of life.
He got his car started thanks to our volunteer, but said that he needed a new battery. I told him of an auto parts store on Main Street and gave him directions. Since his didn’t want to leave the Pickering House, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to help him, I gave him my cell number to call me and check on his dad. He was gone almost an hour.
I mention this because his dad was involved in what was, for me, a blessed event later in the evening.
Around 7:00p.m. I glanced at our security camera monitor and noticed a Portsmouth ambulance backed up to our patient entrance with the two attendants and an empty gurney waiting for someone to let them in. They were here to transport someone back to where they live.
Since it looked like they’d been waiting in the frigid weather for a bit, I went back to the nurse’s desk to notify one of the staff. Nobody was there. I went to the ambulance entrance and let the attendants in and explained that the nurses and aides were tending to those staying at the facility. I told them that I would go down the hall and let a staff member know that you were here.
As I was about half way down the hall nurse Gwen and aide Stephanie came out of room nine and approached me. They explained that the man in Room 9, “Ned”, was end of life but his fiance’ was tearfully begging him not to die. She was holding his hand with both of hers and wouldn’t let go. The nurses already had several urgent patient-care duties that needed attention including assisting the Portsmouth crew. The staff members were in a spot and asked if I would talk to the woman and try to calm her down.
As I headed to the man’s room, I glanced in the family area and noticed the man who had the car trouble was sitting on one of the sofas with his hands covering his face. I knew then it was his father who was the center of this situation.
When I entered Room 9 I could hear the woman begging Ned not to die. I walked around to the other side of the bed and crouched down so that I would be eye level with the man. His eyes were partially opened and all signs pointed to him being eminent.
She was crying and saying she will try to be better if he’d just keep living. She was pleading with him and bargaining with him to give her another chance.
Ned’s son, the man who needed to buy a new car battery, came in and said his dad has been in pain and he thinks that his fiance’ is hurting him by hold his hand. Ned had been fidgeting and turning his head back and forth sporadically every time one of us spoke.
I had been silent up to that point but after he said that it seemed to be my que to talk to her. I mentioned that Ned’s son may be right. She stopped crying but continued to grip his hand. There was more conversation as she then began to tell me about the man’s background and his very troubled life. She told how she wanted to help him overcome his troubled life but that she failed. I empathized with her and told her about the glory of Heaven and how he’s not leaving her, but that he will be in Heaven waiting for her; And through prayer her sins will be forgiven and they will be together again. (Let’s hope I was right about that.) Ned’s eyes were half opened and he made no movement.
His son suggested that the three of us pray for him. The woman said that when Ned prays he lays one hand over the other. I suggested that she do that and proceeded to place his hands on his chest, hand over the other in that manner. She then hesitatingly let go of her grip on him. When she did that the room became quiet. I think we were waiting to see how Ned was going to react. Soon, there was a little more discussion about Heaven, and a little more silence. Gwen came in to check on Ned, administered his meds and made a few adjustments to his laying posture. She offered words of comfort then left. There was a little more conversation then silence.
In the next 4 or 5 minutes Ned made what looked like a couple of slight swallowing movements. Then there was a stillness in the room; No question as to what was happening. I felt his neck and did not feel a pulse. I didn’t want to say what I thought because I might be wrong. Finally, Ned’s son said, “It’s been three minutes.” I knew what he meant. I pressed the call button and Gwen came in and pronounced Ned deceased.
As a FAIRHOPE volunteer, and as a follower of Jesus, it is not my purpose to tell a family member of someone how to feel when their loved one is dying. What “should of, would of, or could of” been done is not any of my business. It is not for me to have an opinion on anything that a family is feeling. That evening I listened to what was bothering her and just helped her focus on the present. I hope that she will be able to have a good life, a guilt free life, without Ned.
At home, I got on my knees and thanked God for directing me into this situation.
Author Rick Schneider
