As she stood there waiting for the ceremony to begin, Kristen was calming herself down. This was her Big Day, her wedding day. Helen, or “Nanny” as everyone knew her, had been waiting for this day and she wasn’t going to miss this moment for the world. Her only grandchild, Zach, was the groom and her sole wish in life had been to watch him get married. Nanny was brought right up front so that she wouldn’t miss a thing. Zach gingerly pinned a corsage on “his Nan”. Nanny’s only child, Christina, and Christina’s husband, George , made themselves comfortable next to her.
The pastor was ready. Kristen’s Dad, Mark, was ready to walk her down the “aisle”. The wedding party was ready. Now all they had to do was wait until Nanny was ready. Her illness had been making her very tired. Just past 9:30 she stirred a bit and it looked like as good a time as any to begin the ceremony.
This wedding was a profoundly spiritual event. In order to make it happen, every participant including the couple, their family and friends, and even a few people who didn’t know the couple demonstrated selfless, sacrificial and unconditional love. The serenity of Agape love filled the room. In every marriage ceremony there is the public declaration of the couple’s true love for each other. But at some point in every marriage, when problems are encountered sometimes the vows hold true and sometimes they don’t. Truth is you never know if it is true love until things go wrong. In Kristen and Zach’s case, things did go horribly wrong; a mere 36 hours ago.
This wedding had been “in the works” for over four months. It was planned for New Year’s Eve. Yet now the marriage ceremony was taking place at 9:30 in the morning on the Tuesday after Easter, nine months early. As recently as last Thursday, Holy Thursday, Kristen had big plans to spend the day with Nanny shopping for bridesmaid dresses. But Nanny cancelled saying she was just too tired. Nanny too tired?! Something was wrong. Nanny had never been too tired to help anyone, let alone anyone who wanted to go shopping for bridesmaid dresses.
On Good Friday Nanny stayed home and rested. Zach grew concerned. On Holy Saturday morning Zach took her to Urgent Care. Tests showed that she had a very high white blood cell count. Alarmed, a few phone calls were made and she was sent up to “The James”. She was admitted.
On Easter Sunday morning the diagnosis was determined; Nanny had a rare, aggressive form of cancer. Nanny? Please, God, no. Not her. The doctors tried to be positive, but could only promise maybe two weeks of life for her. Numbed by what they just heard, the family gathered around Nanny. Searching for words, they gave her the prognosis. Her immediate reply was, “Oh, I’ll miss the wedding.” Hearing what Nanny said gave Kristen a jolt. “Nanny’s only concern was our wedding.” She felt empty.
Kristen, Zach, and Christina were now faced with difficult decisions. What treatments are available? Would she be able to tolerate them? Would she have to move into a nursing home? Kristen knew that she would have to put her wedding plans on hold to help care for Nanny. In this moment of crisis, they forgot that Nanny was still Nanny. She would make the decision for them. She said all her life she had seen many of her stricken friends spend the rest of their life trying not to die rather than trying to enjoy the time that was remaining. So she was adamant; no chemo and no treatments of any sort. “Please, just call FairHoPe.” It was unsettling at first but if that is what Nanny wanted then that is what she will get. Now the course was clear: get Nanny to The Pickering House and try to make her as comfortable as possible.
The FairHoPe social worker arrived at the James on Easter afternoon to admit her. Once the social worker heard about the situation she sensed how important the wedding was to Nanny. And experience told her that Nanny was very close to the end of her life. She suggested that possibly the wedding should be moved up to the next day or two. “We’ll help.” She added.
The family was caught off guard; have the wedding in a few days?! And FairHoPe will help? Kristen and Zach looked at each other. It was up to Kristen. Knowing all that Nanny had given to others without a thought about herself the decision was quick. “Certainly we can give her our wedding. Let’s do it.” The doctors at the James were enthused with the idea. Nanny was scheduled to arrive at The Pickering House on Monday and the wedding now scheduled for Tuesday.
Once the decision was made to have the wedding, things began to happen. With less than two days before the wedding, a short list of who to invite was drawn up and phoned invitations were made. When asked what time the wedding would be, all anyone could tell them was, “In the morning.” Nanny’s health was continuing to deteriorate by the hour and no one knew what to expect on Tuesday morning. Since no one knew exactly when the marriage vows would be exchanged, no one knew when the Reception would begin. Or if there would be one.
On the Monday morning before a Tuesday wedding, there isn’t a lot of time to get things done. But as it turned out, this event had all the makings of a somewhat traditional, albeit frantic, wedding. Deanna, Kristen’s mom, let her borrow a pearl necklace. Well, something borrowed will help. A family friend donated the handkerchief she used years ago to hold her wedding bouquet so that Kristen would have something for her bouquet. That is, should they be able to find any flowers in the morning. That made something old for the wedding. (Do you see a pattern developing?)
“What do we need? What do we need?” was a question often asked that afternoon. “The ring!” Deanna went to Kohl’s to see what she could find. She ended up buying a man’s ring since it was the only one in Kristen’s size. Ah, something new. For the wedding dress, Zach suggested, “I like this one.” It was her floral print dress with blue flowers that she’d worn on several dates….something blue.
Kristen and Zach were at the Courthouse at 8 on the dot Monday morning in order to get the marriage license. Then to the florist who happened to have some pink and white carnations. They were arranged into a bridal bouquet in record time. Everyone involved did whatever was needed. The Pickering House staff pitched in to move furniture and help make everything just perfect. In fact, the FairHoPe nurse even adjusted the time that Nanny’s medications would be administered so that she would be at her highest level of alertness during the morning.
With CD music playing the Pickering House staff wheeled Nanny’s bed into the Sun Room of the Pickering House. When the ceremony began, Nanny was prone in her bed. But when she heard the couple begin to exchange vows she sat up and was very aware of what was going on. Christina was at her bedside assisting her. She made it!
The Reception became an open house type of affair with more friends coming in as more found out about what was going on. Nanny remained at the Reception for a bit then was taken back to her room. Out of respect only a few people at a time would go to Nanny’s room.
By evening the lights in the Sun Room of The Pickering House where wedding took place, were dimmed. Everyone had gone home and Nanny was peacefully sleeping. The FairHoPe staff made accommodations so that Christina could stay at her mom’s bedside and Kristen and Zach could sleep in the room, as well. In the stillness of 2:00 the next morning, the nurse gently awoke them. “..She’s gone..”
There were tears, prayers, and there was silence. And you know what, Nanny was still Nanny. Even in dying she was giving of herself. She waited to die until April 8th so that April 7th would be Zach and Kristen’s Anniversary exclusively, not the anniversary that would always be remembered with “…and Nanny died that day, too.” FairHoPe’s staff has seen too many patients speed up or slow down their own dying process to think otherwise.
Kristen still wears the (fairly inexpensive) wedding band that her mom bought at Kohl’s knowing that Zach will buy her an expensive, real wedding band for one of their anniversaries. But Kristen said until then she’ll continue to wear the one she has because, “This one is priceless.”
